It’s all about the questions.
That is – if you want to have a real and meaningful dialogue…with anyone…you need to ask the right questions.
Think about it – think about any situation you were in that was awkward…where conversation lagged…the discussion protagonists were looking in every which direction – except at each other – never making eye contact. Remember that situation? We all do!
Now think about the easy ones.
Conversation flowed like water in a stream. Alive, textured, sometimes fast, sometimes slow, moving around barriers, sometimes overflowing, occasionally taking detours, sparkling, transparent. Remember this one? I hope so!
Here is my bet – questions played a key role in the shaping of your experience. Good questions, insightful questions, questions that showed you cared, questions that made clear your true interest, questions that had no agenda and were open ended, questions that led to more questions and those to more – meaning that great conversation is fueled by great questions.
No questions, poor preparation or lack of understanding, indifference, personal agenda, closed loops – you get the picture – led to…you guessed it!
Again – as I truly believe – the line between our personal and professional behaviors is slim to none. Meaning that how I behave in one is most often mirrored in the other. Ergo – if I’m having trouble at dinner parties or in social situations, I bet my client conversations are no better – and vice-versa.
Yet, just as conversations are organic, so too are questions.
We can use “data” and analytics and all kinds of testing and such to help frame queries, but at the end of the day, it’s the human understanding and touch that make the difference.
Think about Coke and New Coke – look up the case – worth a re-read. Sure everyone “knew” that in the blind taste test the sweeter mix always wins, but that is Brand Blind. The key question – do you care – was never asked, that is until the debacle made it clear they did.
Listen:
“Whom are you?” he asked, for he had attended business college.
– George Ade
And there you have it. Questions are organic and, by the way, so is listening…see my point – for next week….
Your thoughts?
Questions?
I like the spirit of your post, but it seems to me that instead of using questions, the best tool to use is to just say what is right there.
If a conversation feels stuck say “this conversation feels stuck”. Don’t over-embellish. If you’re done with a conversation say “I’m done with this conversation”. The only reason people don’t say what they are thinking is they are afraid of what other people will think of them.
In my experience, when you just say what is right there to be said, you open up the floodgates. My divorced parents recently came to visit and it was awkward. Once I pointed out the elephant in the room, people started talking and the energy loosened up.
It might be a question, but I feel like that’s too much of a “technique”. I’ve gotten away from using technique in conversation and more towards listening and BEING PRESENT, being in the moment, and just saying what is right there to be said. It’s amazing what can happen if you can stay in the moment and let conversation flow.
I am not the type of person where conversation lags unless we want it to. Like when you are with your family on vacation and you just like to sit with each other. Conversation is meaning if people will come off the superficial level and really speak.
Dr. Letitia Wright
The Wright Place TV Show
http://wrightplacetv.com
http://www.twitter.com/drwright1
I like the notion of recognizing the elephnat in the room — is that what Obama did today?
Interesting to raise the spectre of “New Coke”. Executives asked the question, How do we change the recipe (As they were required to do) for Coke without disinfranchising our loyal customers? How can we make the change without losing market share long term?
Introduce a completely different beverage.
Release it on to the market.
Wear the consumer backlash.
Listen to our customers.
Re-introduce the original recipe excluding the key ingredients ” at the request of our customers.
Slightly different flavour, but not as severe as “New Coke”
Increase market share and loyalty.
“The real thing” or something quite close?
Ask, ask and ask again, generate, stimulate and motivate response. Listen for prompts to the next question but remember that really good conversations rely on interactive communication. One person continually asking questions, with little interest, other than responses, from the other is interogation.
Questions create the cocoon that allows the butterfly of conversation to take flight. WS